We’re more than happy – if not a little late – to jump on the “Jersey Shore” backlash bandwagon. It appears to finally be picking up steam across the culture.
And Miami, it seems, can take some of the credit for nudging the spray-tanned simpletons nearer their inevitable date with irrelevance. Previous to this most recent season, which saw the drunken train wreck unfortunately relocated in Italy, MTV filmed an abbreviated second season of “Jersey Shore” in Miami Beach.
The reason producers were forced to shorten the Miami season, a number of news outlets reported, was that the cast and crew were having trouble persuading classy businesses to sign the show’s wide-ranging waiver. These agreements essentially give “Snooks” the right to berate your club’s staff on a whim. Or provide “The Situation” the latitude to skeeve out anyone with a pulse in your establishment. All in exchange for some threadbare publicity on the show.
Many Miami Beach businesses reportedly, and rightfully, didn’t see the value in the trade-off and refused to let the kids in to film. To us, these are some of Miami’s best businesses!
Please reward these prescient establishments with your patronage, and show your appreciation. (Talk about good “Kah-mah” …)
#1: The W Hotel (2201 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach) – We’re not sure which one of the W Hotel’s six beautiful bars snubbed the Jersey Shore buffoons, but it’s obvious to anyone who’s been to the W that the unmatched taste, refinement and style of the place is anathema to the coarse crew from the Shore. Magnificently appointed penthouses, lush landscaped pools, and a long stretch of pristine private white sand beach await at one of Miami’s most magnetic spots for celebrities and the jet set.
#2 The Delano (1685 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach) – You’ll find actual Gaudi, as opposed to the gaudy, along with works by Man Ray and Salvador Dali, among the fine things scattered throughout the Delano hotel on Miami Beach, one of the area’s signature boutique-style destinations. They also smartly dissed the Jersey Shore production team.
And why wouldn’t they? The Delano’s nine distinctly and elegantly designed spaces include an incredible indoor/outdoor lobby, a pool area described by the hotel as a “water salon” surrounded by a peaceful “orchard” of cabanas, and some of the finest and most stylish restaurants and bars around.
In other words, drunk and boorish children seeking unending amounts of freakish attention need not apply for admission …
#3 Shore Club (1901 Collins Avenue, Miami Beach) – No doubt it was the Skybar that drew the Jersey Shore half-wits to the distinctive Shore Club boutique hotel along Miami Beach. But the hotel’s proprietors smartly shut them out of the signature nightclub during their attempted whirlwind cultural deviation tour.
And no doubt that was the correct decision, as the hotel’s renowned labyrinth of beautifully appointed gardens and secret passageways would have obviously mystified the perpetually overserved cast members. That was clearly a drunken disaster waiting to happen.
#4 The Mondrian (1100 West Avenue, Miami Beach) – Not sure why the classy and upscale Mondrian was on MTV’s cesspool agenda, seeing that it’s actually a bit off the well-beaten path of Collins Avenue. It’s also puzzling in that the Mondrian exudes tasteful, contemporary design and classy appointments throughout – from the soaring lobby, “floating” staircase, to the spectacular vistas of Biscayne Bay via floor-to-ceiling windows.
This place just oozes status and modern elegance. We’re not sure what the Jersey Shore types are oozing.
#5 Rapids Water Park in Riviera Beach (6566 N. Military Trail, Riviera Beach) – We’re a bit puzzled as to why the Jersey Shore squad would want to spend an afternoon at one of the area’s premier water parks, seeing that the park doesn’t allow alcoholic beverages. The park features more than 35 water slides and attractions over 30 acres just outside Miami Beach, but since operators denied the show from filming, we were luckily spared the embarrassing and inevitable public brawl between Sammy and Ron while waiting in line for Big Thunder – touted on the park’s website as the largest water ride in the state. Thanks, Rapids Water Park, for drawing a cultural line in the sand!
So, if you don´t know what to do in Miami, but think that maybe Miami Beach sightseeing could be interesting, make sure to include on your itinerary some of the classy and tasteful businesses fighting back against the dumbing down of our culture. Their acts of defiance against the Jersey Shore deserve everyone’s support!